Got the breast cancer - when do I get the wisdom?

People have said that when they became a breast cancer survivor they gained a new perspective on life. That they became wiser. That they learned to appreciate every day more than they ever did before. That they shunned the negative and turned to the positive. I wish I could say the same. I try. I seem to get stuck. I want to move away but it's like I am drawn to fixing, understanding and trying to control the uncontrolable. So much happened between Christmas and today. The trip was wonderful. I loved it. I guess at this point in my life though I'm not looking for bells and whistles though. I'm looking for family and friends. I'm looking for beautiful sunsets and walks in nature. I'm not looking to be impressed or to impress. I'm looking to make a difference in a world that is so fragile for me. I don't know how many days or years I will have. No one knows that. I just know that I want every day to have meaning. I don't need to be entertained with caviar and champagne - even though that was very nice. I would rather engage in conversation with family, & friends, both old and new friends, over tea and cookies. I'm simple. I've done fancy in my lifetime and it was fun and exciting. I would never fault anyone for wanting that. I just don't need it right now.