Got the breast cancer - when do I get the wisdom?

People have said that when they became a breast cancer survivor they gained a new perspective on life. That they became wiser. That they learned to appreciate every day more than they ever did before. That they shunned the negative and turned to the positive. I wish I could say the same. I try. I seem to get stuck. I want to move away but it's like I am drawn to fixing, understanding and trying to control the uncontrolable. So much happened between Christmas and today. The trip was wonderful. I loved it. I guess at this point in my life though I'm not looking for bells and whistles though. I'm looking for family and friends. I'm looking for beautiful sunsets and walks in nature. I'm not looking to be impressed or to impress. I'm looking to make a difference in a world that is so fragile for me. I don't know how many days or years I will have. No one knows that. I just know that I want every day to have meaning. I don't need to be entertained with caviar and champagne - even though that was very nice. I would rather engage in conversation with family, & friends, both old and new friends, over tea and cookies. I'm simple. I've done fancy in my lifetime and it was fun and exciting. I would never fault anyone for wanting that. I just don't need it right now.

Back from the Emerald Dream Ball

It's all over now. Put 13 Breast Cancer Survivors in Las Vegas for a week and make that week end with New Year's Eve and begin the day after Christmas and you could never predict what the outcome would be. There were good times. There were bad times. I have to believe that Lana and all of her staff had to have been pushed to their max! They tried to pull off the impossible. An over the top New Year's Eve party that was to be televised for Lifetime TV, coupled with the launching of a clothing line, topped off with trying to keep 13 women from all over the U.S.A. happy would be enough to push anyone over the edge. All of us had different expectations for the week. I went hoping that I would get professional designer help discovering a new fashion style that would suit my new body. Others went thinking that they would get hair extensions that would make them feel better about themselves. I also expected to decompress - don't ask me why i expected to do that in Las Vegas. I think I saw the words pamper and spa and assumed that it would be a relaxing experience. Silly me. Las Vegas by it's very nature is anything but relaxing. We were met at the airport with our names printed on an official Emerald Ball Logo held by our drivers. We met Bill, our videographer, and then we met our volunteer greeter. Such a v.i.p welcome. From there we began our whirlwind week. We did fittings at Lana's Studio. We practised runway walking. We got our faces treated to treatments, our hair cut and styled. We saw shows. We were hosted at Lana and Victor's house for a day of beauty, glamour shots and interviews. We even got a demonstration on how to hustle pool by "Fast Eddy". We ended the week with an as promised over the top New Year's Eve party. Were all our expectations met? - no. Did I get my rest, relaxation or personal help with my wardrobe?- no. Did others get hair extensions - no - but not for lack of trying. Did I get more than I ever hoped for? yes. I came away from the week so much richer for having met the other 12 women that were chosen and their partners. I came away exhausted and run down from trying to keep up with the chaos that ensued from trying to accomplish as much as was set out for us but I know that I will recover. My one real regret is that Lana was so busy trying to accomplish all that she set out on her plate that she didn't get to meet us or for us to really get to know her. I think that that is the real tragedy. I think we all could have grown from that experience.